To be religious or not?

I have been religious on and off. I was heavily into religion when I went to college far away from home after school. My college mates would probably refer to me as one of the queer ones for all I know. It went on for a while but by final year, I was the senior and had no seniors to keep me on the straight path so I drifted away. I guess during work life that followed I was just the bloke next door who blended into the crowd - nothing stand-out about me then. Life carried on, I got married, had a good few romantic years with your mom and then we decided to grow our family and you came along in early 2011. However, the months during your intra-uterine growth were quite harrowing for us as the place I was working at was not doing well due to the global downturn. It culminated with retrenchment the same month you were born. Life was tough for us for a whole year after that. Fortunately, your mom's parents and then my parents were here to look after you. They were a great support to us. I tried getting back to work without luck and after a few months, we decided to move back to India to my parents' house to save on expenses.

Life in India was again devoted to job hunts in novel ways but I was not successful in spite of meeting many senior people. The job market was down. Meanwhile I studied some more to keep myself engaged and cleared Level 1 of CFA in December. While celebrating the one uptick in our life after a full year of heartburn, the positive pregnancy test announcing the genesis of your brother came as a rude shock to both of us. Even your grandparents were stressed out when they thought about our situation with both of us at home without any income being generated. Do let me point out that through all these tough days and months, you were the only one person who was bringing happiness to our otherwise sad situation. You kept us entertained with your antics, cheerful nature and very quick and sweet smile that bowled over one and all.

Your brother's news really had us worried about the future. My mother finally decided to convey our troubles to her brother's pastor (they had converted to the Pentecostal faith many years back) who was said to possess divine powers of healing and future-telling. He somehow proclaimed that I would soon go back out of India and I would travel around a lot. At that time, out of desperation, I had contacted a senior colleague from a previous company and he came through and soon enough we were back in Singapore. This was quite a miraculous occurrence to us and I became very active in the church and for two years I was in the church EXCO, Area Rep and organised a very successful fund-raiser for its missionary activities. Your mom too was very active in church activities and was also the church Accountant. I was doing well at work and was appreciated for my efforts. But then, with the continuing downturn and some poor decisions by the senior executives, our company ended up in dire straits and one of the casualties was my department which was shutdown as part of a re-organization.

That was many months ago. I went through all the trauma phases - denial, anger, acceptance and finally planning to climb out of the ditch I had again fallen into. Denial that this could not happen to me as I had not done anything wrong, anger that my company and my bosses could do this to me while they still kept their jobs and high paying salaries and finally accepting that reality is what it is and planning on keeping myself motivated till the storm blew itself out. It was during this time that I badly needed support from the people I knew at church - some of them are at good positions in organizations I would like to work at. However, their attitude has left me disillusioned and now my world view and belief system has changed to a more secular one. I see no point in identifying myself with the same group where people have turned their backs and been indifferent when they could have at least passed on my CV to someone they know.

Anyways, I have come to accept that as well and realized that there are all sorts of people in this world. What I can do is to do the best that I can, leave no stone unturned and then let life and its quirks to play its games with me. Fact is, life is a big puzzle. There will be good times and then there will be tough times and these tough times just happen as a result of some entropy or Murphy's law, the same holds for the good times. You can consider it as the stars having aligned in your favor. What you need to always remember is that in most cases the tide will eventually turn and you will be able to look back at the episode for what it taught you. Of course, there are some instances that you may not emerge victorious such as if you get a terminal illness or fatally hit by a car while crossing the road. So, when someone tells that what does not kill you, makes you stronger, is quite true. If you have not died, chances are that you have pulled yourself out and you would have learnt from it. Mind you, if you do not learn your lesson, history will repeat itself again and again, till you do.

There is another saying that religious people will dispense to you - it is all for the good. Want to know what I think? We will never have the benefit of knowing where we would have ended up if something untoward had not happened. So it is just a moot point. What actually happens is that humans being an adaptable species, adapt to the new situation and our in-built survival mechanism helps us make the best of what we have been dealt with. And as I said before, if we are resilient enough, the tide will eventually turn and it will all remain a distant memory.

Thus there are a few things that we can do as earthly citizens who are but blades of grass that grow and flower and perish to fertilize the ground for future generations. Our life is inconsequential in the grand expanse of time and space that we are temporary participants of. To truly realize this, just go out to the countryside on a cloudless night and gaze at the starry sky to realize the vast world that we inhabit. You should remember that you are much more fortunate than many others around you and be grateful for your good fortune, when it is with you. In turn, you should try to help others less fortunate with either your time or your money, whichever you have to spare. Not all will be to become CEOs of successful companies and be able donate their estate to charity. The others may have the wonderful resource of time that they can share with the needy and experience first hand the gratitude and happiness of those whom they assist. If you are in a position to help someone, do so and that person having been touched by your kindness may pass it on to someone else thus setting of a virtuous chain reaction and making this world just a little more nicer place to live in.

My last piece of advice to you in this slightly longish letter - if and when you find yourself in ditch that is filled with quicksand, just hang in there. Be prepared and plan for a long haul. Keep yourself occupied, fill your schedule with activities and have a regular time-table that you can look forward to. This could be the time to do some of the stuff you never got around to such as volunteering, go for a camping or backpacking trip, play regularly and stay physically active. These are the things that will help you punch through the depression that would set in once every so often. Have no expectations of people as they would likely disappoint you and you might just distance yourself further. Some, on the other hand, might go out of the way to help you out. If you experience such a turn, do not forget it, appreciate it and give it forward when you are able to. Always remember to be thankful for your family as they would be your real pillar of support when you need one. Just wait it out and when you bounce back, step up and give forward as best you can.

Skills Future / PMEs / Economic Restructuring of Singapore / Structural Unemployment

In the recent past, there have been news reports of how the Skills Future endeavor will help PMEs to upgrade their skills as the economy restructures. I feel it prudent to point out that these training courses might help when an employee is trying to move into a new role within his or her current organization where he or she has built up sufficient trust capital with colleagues or bosses. Perhaps, even the boss might recommend that she take on certain courses to be prepared for an upcoming role change. But what if the company folds due to competition from cheaper sources of production - Singapore's electronics manufacturing industry being an example.

The Skills Future scheme will not help when a person has been rendered unemployed due to such structural or cyclical changes in the economy when the demand in a particular industry has crashed. The only criteria that prospective employers are looking at are whether the candidate has got the relevant experience to take on a new role among other factors such as cultural fit and candidate's personal goals vis-a-vis the companies'. Even if one has the relevant training / qualification as requested in the job profile, he or she will not be considered, let alone be called for an interview.

Singapore being a small market that is dependent of external demand with limited number of jobs on offer, it then becomes a difficult task to gain employment as the Government has recently noted (less than 40% of PMEs getting hired back within 6 months). While Skills Future is a good initiative to re-tool the local population for the jobs in the future, it has to be complemented by an incentive to private industry to essentially hire new employees who might have transferable skills from other industries but will nevertheless require some on-the-job mentoring / training before they can fully contribute to the role. This could be in some form of grant to the private enterprise to offset the lower productivity in the initial months. Nevertheless, it is imperative that this loop be closed for the Government's objective of having a productive labor force (as against re-skilled but unemployed) come to fruition as the economy continually restructures to maintain its competitive advantage. It would be a win-win where the Government will also benefit from lower unemployment rates and a cross-trained local workforce that can contribute in multiple industries. 

Medishield Life premiums applicable to overseas Singaporeans and PRs as well

When Medishield Life kicks in, a family of four with the parents in their mid or late thirties will be paying around or more than S$1000 annually in just Medishield premiums, much higher if they have opted for IP plans. This is fine - after all the government is giving additional coverage and risk pooling the entire population. As long as you are in Singapore, you will be the beneficiary of the cover if and when you are hospitalized.

However, why should Singaporeans and PRs living overseas have to pay these premiums? What benefit do they get when they are hospitalized in the country they are living and working in. They, after all, will have to take a local health cover wherever they are residing. Medishield Life, too, is a local health insurance policy applicable only within the boundaries of Singapore. A better policy would be that these citizens and PRs be charged the annual premiums only when they move back to Singapore and that is when they would benefit from the coverage .

When I enquired about it, I was informed that Singaporeans can make use of the cover if they return to Singapore for some treatment (doesn't quite sound a convincing response to me!). Even if this reasoning were accepted, what reason would a first generation citizen or PR have to come to Singapore for treatment? Such a person will have no base in Singapore if he is working overseas. No parents, no relatives as a support mechanism while he is getting treated. Will his family also relocate for his treatment and set up camp in a hotel during the whole period (the assumption being a short term period)? I feel the policy makers should give this due consideration when Medhishield Life kicks in at the end of the year. After all, the population nos we are talking about is quite a small percentage (only 212,200 overseas Singaporeans as of last year) of the population base. But for them, the premiums would be an additional (and possibly substantial) burden on their finances with no apparent benefit.

How to avoid thumb sucking in infants and toddlers

Ishita started sucking her right thumb when she was a few months old. We did not actively try to discourage it cos it was cute to see her slowly guide her hand to her face and then find this innovative use for her thumb. Soon, she discovered she had two thumbs which she could use interchangeably depending on her position / which side she was lying on / or when her parents removed a thumb which she was putting to good use and now was quite addicted to.

That was four and a half years back and the habit continues. Not sure when she will grow out of it. Dear Ishita, if and when you find this post and if you want to prevent your offspring from taking after you, the best preventive remedy is the humble pacifier! We did not use it on you as we felt it was a cruel way to shut little kids up - as if putting scotch tape on their mouths. But we learnt our lesson quickly and used it with great effect on your little brother who has avoided your habit and has a perfect set of even teeth and a disarming smile.

Think about the benefits of preventing thumb sucking in your child:

1. Less exposure to all the germs that you pick up around you and ingest while you go about your business. And all the medicines, doctors' visits, missed school days and parents having to take leave that accompany an infection.
2. Do away with smelly hands and mouth - eeww!
3. Avoid protruding and damaged teeth and the costly outlay to a dentist for braces in the future.

How totally avoidable - all these difficulties and costs - if only...

Parents, take my word for it, it pays to prevent thumb sucking in your children at the expense of some minor irritation for your little one. You will thank yourself in the times to come.

The key to success in life

What is it to be successful in life? Is it the high-flying job? The fancy car? The big bank deposit? The recognition? It is probably all of this and other aspects for different people. But I believe if one is truly successful, then s/he will be recognized by others for her/his achievements. Now how would this happen? First you need to find out what excites you and what you are good at! It is something easier said than done. I for one am still trying to find my sweet spot :). For a career in say management consulting, apart from good academics, the recruiters are looking for a person who has excelled in at least one area in their lives. This shows that the person has the ability to channel their energies where they are most effective. It is no doubt the same in other extremely competitive professions where they are looking for only the best (in their chosen field!). So guys and gals: happy hunting and if you  feel you have missed the boat, it is probably still not too late with life expectancy and retirement ages being pushed back further and further! Also, do your best to let the next generation find their sweet spot as early as possible. For this they will have to try out and experience as many things as possible so they are able to find their area of interest and then it is all about perseverance!

The magic of parenthood

As it happens with all young wedded couples, it is not long before the parents and other well-wishers start enquiring starting asking you about plans of starting your own family. As it must happen with most couples (or shall I say the guys?!), I too had my reservations about it - do I want to be shackled with unnecessary responsibility just now? I am still young and want to explore the world and do a lot of exciting things! We need our own time to spend together! I am not settled in life to take on this additional responsibility! Life will become monotonous and boring after having a child!

I could not have been more wrong about the last statement! True, one does need to have reached a stage in life when one feels that s/he can take care of and provide for a bright future for the new one. After all we would all wish only the best for them and in the end we would get the vicarious pleasure of seeing them succeed in life. However, our children give us much more than we give them credit for. Their one smile (when newborn) is the best stress reliever / mood enhancer ever. You might be going through tough times on other fronts but their carefree love and excitement for you as a parent is all you need to get through the day. All the efforts to raise them and teach them the ways of life are worthwhile when we see their happiness and their little successes at their various stages in life.

At this point, I would also like to reflect on the efforts taken by our parents in bringing us up to where we are now. No doubt they are moving on in life and as time goes on, we all tend to return back to the child-like state that we were born in as our faculties and memories slowly fail us. It is now that we can show gratitude to our parents for all that they have done for us when they are reaching this state. Let us not forget and be just mindful of our business then. Remember, our children are still learning from our actions and we can not expect anything better in our silver years from them than what we taught them when they were young!

Quotable Quote

He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose - Jim Elliot.

Jim Elliot was a Christian missionary who lost his life during his evangelical efforts in Ecuador. The quote refers to the our constant tug of war between wordly pleasures and our desire for salvation and urges us to make the right choice.